The Good PSX Guide: From 1993 to the Future of Gaming

Doom and Doom 2 recently landed on PS4. I picked them both up for under a fiver. I couldn't resist. So far, I've played these games on PS1, PS3 and now PS4. Why? Well they're just fucking great fun and glorious in their simplicity. If it moves... kill it!!!

How do we kill? With an array of satisfying weapons like the Shotgun, Super Shotgun, Chain Gun, Chainsaw, Rocket Launcher, Plasma Gun and BFG. Puzzles aren't particularly tough, it's usually find the red, blue and yellow keys to open doors and kill more monsters. Look, Doom doesn't need any more plaudits from me. It was a marvel in its day and it's still shark week level of fun now... 7/10. Doom trophy count:  56% Doom 2 trophy count: 47%

Let's move this on to some state of the art games...

Red Dead Redemption 2:


This isn't so much a game as much as it is a fucking project! Thankfully is a hugely enjoyable project and a game that genuinely packs an emotional punch. If you don't know already, RDR2 is a prequel to the also quite brilliant Red Dead Redemption. That game featured John Marston as its protagonist and a likable old goat he was too. This time around John is part of your gang and while he is still the same John, he's very green around the ears. That's where you come in. You play Arthur Morgan, a much more experienced gun hand. He's seen it all, done it all and while he is as tough as a bag of nails, he has grown wiser in his old age. He just wants to live in relative peace... with his gang. And that's the problem. No matter what way you cut this, you're in a gang. You can play all the Robin Hood card bollocks you want, you're a murderer and a thief...

The gang leader Dutch Van Der Linde, has managed to keep the gang together for a long time but you get the impression from a very early stage in this game that he's losing his grip. Arthur as his number two tries desperately to keep him on some kind of decent path but Dutch has taken Micah Bell under his wing and he is a pure psychopath. Dutch is trying to stay alive, Arthur is trying to atone. This is the heart of the game and John Marston is caught right in the middle.

I won't go much further into the story... it's an absolute doozie. There are all manner of weird and wonderful characters to enjoy, to kill and to save. The missions are also incredibly varied. You can choose to stick to the main plot but side quests are an absolute joy.

It is accurate to say RDR2 is GTA5 in the Wild West. Both games boast incredible attention to detail but while GTA5 looks great, RDR2 looks absolutely stunning. My poor PS4 was having a heart attack running this game. I've never seen any game quite so visually jaw dropping. The dramatic backdrop of the Wild West is an obvious eye catcher but the game also shines in the grittiness of the time. Dutch and his gang live in hard times. They sleep in camps and you can nearly smell them as you play. I occasionally took Arthur to a nearby town to have a meal and a bath... just to make him feel better...

Another advantage over GTA5 are the gun fights, they are infinitely more satisfying in this game than GTA5 and the mechanics work much better too. Shootouts in a Wild West game are kind of important. They need to be enjoyable. RDR2 goes above and beyond to make them memorable.

Red Dead 2 is a near perfect game. I guess if I had any qualms with it, it's probably that having played Red Dead 1, I could tell early on where this was going to go... but that doesn't mean I didn't thoroughly enjoy getting there. I truly did. The game has a coda that goes on a bit too long but that's a small gripe. I'm not ashamed to say I shed a tear a couple of times while playing. The reason being that this is a damn fine piece of entertainment with a top notch script and quality voice acting. I wonder what my Dad would have made of it had he lived to see it. He wasn't a gaming fan but he loved westerns... Anyway, if you haven't played this by now, please do so before the PS4 is replaced by PS5. It will drop your jaw.. a lot. Score: 9/10. Trophy Count: 40%

So down I came on Christmas morning and found a box under the tree from my wife. In it: PSVR with 5 games. Resident Evil 7, Skyrim, Everybody's Golf, Playstation Worlds and Astro Bot: Rescue Mission.

I want to talk about PSVR in general for a second. If you have the means, you absolutely should get this for your PS4. It is INCREDIBLE. And I don't mean in a gimmicky kind of way. This has legs. How do I know? Well I played Resident Evil 7 the regular way, more on that in a while and I'm currently playing it for a second time in PSVR. I thoroughly enjoyed it on my couch playing it the traditional way but playing it on PSVR is a huge step up in terms of terror. It's actually so scary that I can't really play it by myself at night time... it's just too much. I'll come back to that...

Niggles? Well, there's a good few wires that come with it. This is basically old technology cobbled together to bring you a brand new experience. There's the Playstation camera that sits atop your television. There's a small black box that links into your PS4 and television with hdmi cables and the headset which looks slick enough but is also wired into the black box... Still all of this is immediately forgotten when you start playing... Let's get to the good stuff.

Astro Bot: Rescue Mission.

I had been told this was the definitive PSVR game and I'd find it hard to go back to regular platform games... this is 100% true. Astro Bot is just a wonderful, immersive adventure full of cute humor and incredibly immersive gameplay.


Astro Bot is flying around space with over 200 of his astro buddies in their ship when they are attacked by a giant green monster... an asshole. All the bots are scattered across 5 worlds and your job is to rescue them and get them back on their ship. Many of them are hidden quite well... you don't have to find them all but I found it impossible to abandon them...

Now, when you start the game a see through playstation controller appears in front of your face and you place your controller inside it. Into your controller jumps the only Astro Bot to escape the attack and off you go together on your rescue mission.


The first level will absolutely blow your mind. It's a nice intro to the game and while you control the bot it takes about 5 seconds to get used to the fact that you're sort of following him into the game... Turn around, you're in the game. As mind blowing as the first level is, the game is only warming up. There's a beach/sea level that left my jaw agape for the majority. Lava levels feature, the first is a doozie and it plays like the mine cart scene from Temple of Doom. Absolute adrenaline!! After every 5 levels you face a boss. They're all huge but their size is matched by the sense of humour the game revels in. I mentioned in my previous blog that I may or may not play Crash Bandicoot 2 and 3. Astro Bot is why. It's just really hard to imagine going back to regular platforming regardless of quality.

I haven't quite platinumed Astro Bot yet but I will. Score: 9/10. Trophy Count: 78%

Resident Evil 7.


After the absolute dreck that was RE6, the pressure was on to deliver something special. Such was the damage done by the previous installment that I wasn't in any way arsed by the release of this game. Didn't even watch a clip. I waited, as I always do, for a huge price drop. When it came, I picked it up for €20 only after checking reviews which were universally enthusiastic.

You play Ethan. You receive an email from your girlfriend Mia, who's been missing for three years. You drive to where she leads you. Ever seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Well that's basically the setting for a lot of this game. A shitty run down horrible mansion and the family inside are all fucking repugnant, hillbilly vermin. They've been abducting people for a while now but you do get a sense that they're probably victims in all this too.

It's worth saying that the game looks incredible! No expense spared in the development. Bravo!

Anyway, after quickly being captured by the psychotic family and tortured at their dinner table you manage to escape. As you search the house for Mia, you're stalked by the man of the house, Jack Baker. Like Tyrant in RE2 you're better off running and conserving ammo. This isn't always possible though so be ready to shoot.

As the game progresses you will unravel the mystery of the mansion and there's a couple of fun plot swerves.

So is it scary? Yes! A thousand times yes. This without a doubt the most disturbing game of the series. As stated, the creepy Deliverance/TCM vibe is relentlessly awful. The creatures are pretty good too. A bit of a departure from the usual resi fare but that's fine. It was time for a change and they are effective.

I'm currently on my second playthrough and I'm doing it PSVR style. This game was creepy enough on my couch. However, put that headset on and enter this world and shit. Gets. REAL! While being attacked by a creature within the game I took too many steps back and was up against my wall gun pointing in sheer terror. Beads of sweat falling from my forehead. I still can't play it alone in the house 😂

The game loses a touch of its graphical flair in psvr mode but honestly, I'm too fucking terrified to worry about slight downscaling when I'm trying not to scream. It also gains points with the wonderful aiming system. You use your visor to aim. In other words, you look left you shoot left, you look right you shoot right. You'll see the gun target move where you look. Look at Jack Baker's face... That's where you'll shoot him.

Ultimately, this is a triumph. The opening hour or so is chock full of incredible jump scares and the sense of fear is almost overwhelming. However, like all the best resi games you improve as you progress. The story is interesting. And your weapons make things easier. I'd say play it as normal first and when you clear it use the reward gun you got from your first playthrough in the psvr run. You'll appreciate it... believe me.

Score 9.5/10 Trophy Count: 45%

That's enough for now. I'll come back with a few more PSVR gems a bit of sport and even more Doom... though God knows when.

Stay Safe y'all and as I always say: Always wait for sale price when buying games!

Thanks for reading,

G.

The Good PSX Guide: Remastered Bastards!

 

I’ll start with Final Fantasy VIII Remastered. I was on the fence when I first heard about this. For all the remastered talk it’s basically the exact same game with vastly improved character models. I wasn’t particularly arsed but the pull of the trophies… It always gets me! Anyway, FFVIII is the usual bonkers plot… Loner hero Squall is caught up in a war between the advancing Galbadia and the defensive Dollet. He fights in the elite group SeeD who are hired by Dollet to protect them from Galbadia. His befriends Quistis (his super hot teacher) Zell, Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine along the way… all have different skills and weapons.

Squall is initially standoffish but is eventually won over by the group. He falls for Rinoa (idiot really should have went for Quistis) and develops deep friendships with the rest. Anyway, back to that bonkers plot. As usual, I find it hard to follow this stuff and this one I found particularly hard. Why? Well, a sorceress named Ultimecia is trying to compress time so she can become all powerful and rule the world… or whatever. Time manipulation, I’ve never understood you. I rarely enjoy you and I wish you’d go away. Suffice to say that different time lines are explored. Including one featuring a soldier named Laguna (Squalls Dad) and his buddies on their adventures. There’s also plenty of back story for our plucky heroes which, while welcome, does detract from the action.

So if I didn’t really understand the plot, what kept me playing? Well it is nice to see the characters looking this good. The original game has not aged well so the spit and polish here is welcome (see above pic) It's like bumping into that chick you weren't into when you were teengers again twenty years later and now she looks like Kelly Brook!! The much maligned junction system is actually enjoyable if you’re prepared to experiment. It certainly isn’t spoon fed to you but it is rewarding.

Capturing guardian forces is thoroughly addictive but using them less so. Reason being, they are fantastic to watch a couple of times but fuck me some of them go on… and on….

Seriously lads... while we're young! As I say, they are worth hunting for junction system upgrades but you'll hardly ever use them in fight.

Also worth mentioning is the music. Uematsu san is on fire here. His world map music is stuck in my head. Some of his other works are quite stunning in this game. It elevates some of the dungeons from worth exploring to “let’s hang out here, the music is awesome”.

Platinuming this game isn’t overly difficult but one thing I did get out of the trophy hunt was mastering the card game. I’ve played FF VIII twice before but never bothered with the card game. I got into it this time for the trophy and it was curiously engaging. The music was enjoyable and the whole thing was a welcome break from the mad story.

FF VIII will take you to some amazing places if you let it. There’s a wonderful homage to 2001 A Space Odyssey, there’s creepy caves, a hammer horror style castle and many other weird and wonderful journeys. If you liked it before, you’ll love it now. If you’ve never played it before you owe it to yourself. Score: 8/10 Trophy count: 100% platinum.

Crash Bandicoot remastered:

This game comes with all three Bandicoot games fully remastered. I’ve only played the first one. I’ll get to the others when I feel like it... if I feel like it...

Graphical comparison:

So everything here is in place. It plays as you remember but it looks really gorgeous. It’s every bit as funny as you remember but it’s also every bit as infuriating as you remember too. Honestly, there’s not much to add here. Crash Bandicoot is an absolute hoot of a throwback, I expect I’ll enjoy the others too. As often happens in games like this, a platinum trophy is only for absolute completists. I found the trophy hunt a bit of a grind and gave up pretty quickly. I just played the game for fun and it delivered that in spades. For the record, my son has started playing part 2 and it looks absolutely beautiful. Score: 8/10 Trophy count: 45%

Resident Evil 2 Remastered:

Where to start with this one. It’s soooo fucking good! Resident Evil 2 is still an enjoyable old romp in its original form but in this mutated guise it’s simply stunning.I should also add that coronavirus has crept into the country at time of writing. This is an apt game...

Plot: Leon Kennedy and Claire Redfield end up in Raccoon City for different reasons. Leon is starting a new job as a rookie cop at RCPD. Claire is searching for her missing brother who was the star of the equally brilliant Resident Evil (also remade to stunning effect). Unfortunately for them, Raccoon City is overrun with zombies. The G Virus has escaped, our heroes take different paths but both head for RCPD.

As ever with me and resi games, I found this very tough to get to grips with. That’s not the game’s fault, that’s down to me being a below average gamer. You start with a very basic gun and taking out shuffling zombies is a challenge. I have always struggled in the early part of these games and if you share this issue don’t fret. As you progress, your weapons improve, you become more adept at the game and as a result I’ve always found the middle to latter part of these games easier and more enjoyable.

I started with Leon and bumped into Ada Wong along the way. That was a fun catch up. Lickers are still as gross as ever. When you get more powerful weapons, fucking kill them. You can go through the game running from them but it's a pain in the arse. Kill them and take your time exploring. While working your way through RCPD you will bump into Tyrant! This is actually very well done. He is basically invincible in the early part of the game so rather than trying to kill him, I say avoid him... run away (you can outrun hm easily enough) and save that ammo. Even if it means taking a punch from him, heal up and run! Hearing his footsteps nearby in corridors or above you on the next floor is genuinely frightening. it is a little annoying for those of us who like to explore at a leisurely pace but this isn't Tomb Raider. This is Resident Evil! The emphasis is on horror and pulsating set pieces.

The alligator scene is perfectly done. The mutated creatures you battle throughout are hideous but destroying them is always a pleasure. The weapons are an absolute hoot and as I said, the game gets easier as you progress.

Puzzle wise, it’s the usual resi stuff. Keys, books, badges, computers, medallions & lockers… you know the drill. There’s something very satisfying about solving these puzzles. They’re not all that taxing but the rewards are very worthwhile. 

Once I completed Leon's story it was time for Claire's. I remembered it being much shorter in the original Resident Evil 2. But in a slightly baffling move here they decided to go back to the start with Claire and have her do many of the same tasks already completed by Leon. If this was a lesser game, I'd have been really pissed off but it's such a belter of a game, I just got stuck in and enjoyed the show. There are differences between the two. Claire spends most of her time protecting a little girl named Sherry. Kids are a risk in entertainment, they're generally annoying but I liked this kid. She was plucky and had to carry a lot of shit! Her parents... wow! I don't wanna give the plot away but dayum that was some cold shit. The game takes Claire to different places (the pic above is the orphanage which is exclusive to Claire) and she takes different routes through the same places so it is definitely worth playing... ESPECIALLY for the ending!!!

Leon and Claire are likeable. They're good people who are trying to do right and that makes you fight harder with them. Ada Wong and Sherry also get playable sections. Both are quite short but both are very well executed.

As ever with Resident Evil, getting 100% is a chore. So again, I just played the game for pure enjoyment. And enjoy it I did... a lot. I will absolutely go back to this game for a second run through one day. This is an absolute must play! Score 9/10 Trophy Count: 37%


Final Fantasy X/X-2 Remastered: 

The final game in this remake special is Final Fantasy X. Now I know Final Fantasy X-2 came with the package and I know many people enjoy this game but, well, I'll come back to it. Let's start with the excellent (in spite of its main character) Final Fantasy X.

Tidus is a blitzball player. It's the biggest sport in his land, Zanarkand. His Dad, Jecht, was a champion blitzball player and he was beloved by everyone, except Tidus, who hated him... because he was a pretty shitty Dad. Anyway, Jecht up and left Tidus to help save the world, more on this later. Tidus never really got over it. One day on the way to a Blitzball match, Zanarkand is attacked and destroyed along with all of its people. Tidus gets away as he is taken to  the world of Spira 200 years away from where he was (poxy fucking time travel again) by Auron who is a big damn hero, all round tough guy and friend of Jecht.

In the future he meets Rikku, Lulu, Khimari, Wakka and most importantly, Yuna. He falls for Yuna and it is because she is a awesome as she is hot. Yuna is on a quest to save the world from an unstoppable monster called Sin. Sin comes every 10 years and a summoner is chosen to defeat it and bring "the calm" or 10 years of peace. What Tidus doesn't know is that in order to bring about the calm, Yuna must die and Sin is actually his father... good times.

As the game progresses you're brought to some incredible places. Even by FF standards there are some stand out locations. I really took my time and had planned to get 100% trophies. I came up short. I got 29 out of 34. Why? Well one of the trophies involved filling the sphere grid with one of your characters. As you can see from the above picture, that would take a fucking age. Another trophy was to fill all of the grid up with all your characters. That is just fucking unreasonable. However, I did the majority, including the single most irritating trophy I've ever achieved involving a chocobo race on the Calm Lands. FUCK THAT TROPHY!!! It's legendary in it's shittiness. Google it. I also got everyone their main weapons which was a mighty ask but an enjoyable one. I got all the guardian forces, in short I did a lot of extra shit before finally facing off against Sin.

As for Blitzball. I tried this on PS2 but couldn't get the hang of it so I tried it again here and once you recruit Brother, your pilot, onto your team, there's really no stopping you. It is a bit samey but if you have the time, you may as well... 

This is a great story and while the game points to Tidus as the main character, the reality is the main character is Yuna. Just as well too. She's wonderful and rarely irritates. The rest of the charatcers are okay. Auron does the cool, tough guy thing well. Khimari does the angry creature with a good heart and sad back story thing well. Rikku is mildly irritating but useful in battles Lulu is a slammin' hottie. Wakka is good natured and learns a lot along the way.

The father/son relationship between Tidus and Jecht softens as the game goes on. As a human, Jecht was terrible to his son. As a monster, he fights every instinct to help his son defeat the beast he has become. In the clip below Tidus asks Sin for a bit more time, the creature just walks away... this is Jecht protecting his kid:

As ever, the friendships in the game are what make FF games work or collapse. Did you give a shit about anyone in FF XIII? Can you even remember their names? This one has a great story, great graphics and (mostly) great characters... sorry Tidus. It was incredible on PS2. It remains so here: 8.5/10 Trophy count: 69%

The makers of FF X-2 realised that Yuna was the best thing about FFX. So rightly she is front and centre here. I played this to completion on PS2 but I just couldn't get through it on PS4. It's terrible. Or maybe having just played FFX it didn't compare well. Anyway I may go back to it some time in the future but it's unlikely.

As ever, I remind you not to buy your games on day one. Wait for price drops. There's some great bargains to be had if you can wait.

Happy gaming,

G.

Halloween 2018 Review

And thus it was Halloween 2018 came out last year to excellent reviews and an enormous box office return. With a budget of $10m it pulled in over $255m. That’s insane for a slasher movie, simply unheard of. Put it like this, media darling Scream did $174m with a $14m budget… like I said, insane!

But why is this new Halloween the most successful slasher movie ever made? You can point to a few things. Bringing in John Carpenter as executive producer would’ve given it some clout with genre fans. Obviously Jamie Lee Curtis coming back (again) was a HUGE bonus. The fact that it was exactly forty years since the classic original added something to the mix. Releasing it in October (seems obvious but hasn’t always happened) helped. With all of those factors I’d have said it’d do similar business to the remake which came out in 2007. It tripled that!

The fact is, Halloween 2018 is just a fantastic piece of modern cinema. It might not be as intelligent as Get Out or (despite a calamitous final act) Hereditary but pound for pound I found it much more entertaining than both. Halloween 2018 is gleefully aware of what it is but instead of making fun of itself and winking at the camera, it takes itself very seriously and invests in its monster. To paraphrase another monster, it set out to Make Michael Great Again.

How did it do this? Well as nuts as it sounds, Michael Myers is (mostly) defined by the mask. You nail that and you’re well on your way. The Halloween franchise has been plagued by shitty masks that don’t even come close to emulating the terror of the original mask from 1978. This movie goes out of its way to show you that this is the same mask that Michael wore on Halloween night 1978 and the wear and tear the mask has endured in forty years only serves to make it even more terrifying. Bravo to Chris Nelson of the make up FX team. He went to extraordinary lengths to make us believe it was the same mask.

The decision made by writer/director David Gordon Green with co-writers Jeff Fradley and Danny McBride to completely ignore all but the original was genius too. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll watch any Myers movie (bar Resurrection) even Curse (it’s hilariously bad) but Halloween became a shitshow. You can argue the toss as to when this happened: Maybe it happened when they decided Laurie and Michael were siblings. Maybe it happened when Michael became some kind of a druid curse. It certainly happened when Busta Rhymes kicked Michael through a window. Or maybe it happened the moment they hired Rob Zombie. All of these reasons, among others, are reason enough to jettison the whole backlog of sequels and build on the original. In many ways, the fact that Rob Zombie had already remade Halloween worked in their favour because it took that full remake option off the table…

Jason Blum is also a factor. He acquired the rights because he wanted to make a great horror movie. He picked people he believed could deliver that. He challenged John Carpenter to get off his couch and help make this as good as it possibly could be and he tasked him with writing the score. This proved to be extremely shrewd. Carpenter has been touring his quite magnificent music for a few years now (I was lucky enough to catch his show in Dublin a couple of years ago…incredible) with his son Cody and a rock solid band behind them. He’s more musically focussed than he has ever been and the work being done by himself, Cody and Daniel Davies (pictured above) is remarkable. They could have delivered a decent play on the old Halloween theme and that would have been fine but what they actually delivered is a pulse pounding, electrifying score that elevates this movie to a higher level. Kudos to all involved.

I am going to discuss the movie now so spoilers from here on in:

A couple of journalists, Aaron and Dana, visit Smiths Grove State Institute to try to get a word with Michael before he is transferred to a much more secure hospital. They meet the extremely helpful Dr. Sartain who took over treating Michael from the late Dr. Loomis. Sartain takes the couple out to the yard where Michael is getting his hour a day of sunlight. They are warned not to get too close. Predictably Michael doesn’t acknowledge them until Aaron takes Michael’s old mask out of his bag. He has borrowed it from a friend at the states attorney’s office. I suppose a forty year old case, who’d give a shit? Anyway, Michael with his back to them seems to sense the presence of the mask and moves ever so slightly. Just for a second you can see some of the scars from his battle with Laurie from 1978. Fuckin’ chills!

The journalists leave the hospital a little deflated by the encounter. But they are not without hope. We next see them driving to meet Laurie Strode.

Before I continue, it is important to say a word here about Jamie lee Curtis and the character of Laurie Strode. She basically invented the resourceful final girl with Carpenter and the late great Debra Hill but in this movie she’s telling, not only mothers but grandmothers too, you still have strength in you. You’re a long way from finished but sometimes you have to fight for it. It’s truly inspiring because in an age where we’re telling young women to stand up and take what is rightfully theirs, we may have forgotten to send that message to older women. It’s just so fucking powerful and positive.
Add to that, the #metoo movement was in full voice when this movie came out and there are obvious parallels. Laurie was attacked and years later she gets to shine a light on her attacker and fight back. Cynics say they played up to this in the media. I disagree. I think they took what was happening  with #metoo and added another voice to it. Laurie Strode’s voice. It might have taken her forty years but she’s getting justice. Rose McGowan is currently going through something similar…

Unsurprisingly Curtis is astounding in the movie. Every single syllable, every movement, everything… I just believe her. In movies like this, that’s a hard job. Look back at all the slashers you’ve ever seen. The acting is either terrible or it plays it safe and winks at the camera… None of that shit here. Curtis is so strong that it infects the rest of the movie. Laurie Strode is real therefore Michael Myers is real. Therefore, Haddonfield is fucking real. Brilliant!

Back to the journalists. They visit Laurie who reluctantly lets them into her very secluded but very secure home. They try to convince her to visit Michael before he is transferred (the night before Halloween) to his new “home”. She declines. We learn that she has had failed marriages and her daughter was taken from her by concerned social workers. Laurie’s life has been a reaction to that fateful night in 1978. If it ever happens again, she and her loved ones will be ready…

Her daughter Karen, played well by Judy Greer, seems pretty together when we meet her. She’s married and has a daughter, Allyson played by Andi Matichak. They are a typical suburban family and we like them well enough. Karen has friends who we meet and again, we like (most of) them. Her boyfriend, Cameron seems a little dickish but that might just be me. Oscar is the fun but flawed comic relief friend. But her other friends, Miles and Vicky are great. This is important when the killing starts. It’s more impactful if you care.

The movie starts to floor it when Laurie, sitting in her car, watching as a bus full of inmates, including Michael (and his doctor who is way too sympathetic toward Michael) pulls out of Smiths Grove on its way to a destination it will never reach. Laurie already knows what’s going to happen. She’s in pain but her anger outweighs her fear. The anticipation of what’s about to occur is unbalancing her. She’d rather be in a wardrobe fighting Michael than hiding in one waiting for him to find her…

As expected, the bus crashes, Michael escapes killing many including a boy who you’d guess is about thirteen years old. This immediately establishes Michael as a fucking monster. No redemptive qualities here, he’s fucking cold to the core. Michael needs a car, there’s a boy in the drivers seat, he kills him. There’s nothing more to it. That’s not to say he indiscriminately kills. Far from it. Plenty of people survive the bus crash. Prisoners are seen strolling around and many are picked up by police later. Michael wants to go home. He doesn’t need to kill everyone to get there. He picks his battles. Some people found the killing of the boy a bit too much… it feeds into a scene with a baby later in the movie. I’ll get to it soon.

Laurie shows up to a family dinner. She’s a mess. “I saw him, I saw the shape”. She’s the only one who truly understands Michael’s nature. Karen chastises her. Allyson is far more sympathetic. Regardless, the night is pretty well ruined and people go home sad, confused and angry.

Meanwhile Michael heads back toward Haddonfield and finds the journalists from the opening of the movie at a filling station. It’s broad daylight but that doesn’t stop Michael from killing several staff members. Michael has always been a prankster. After all it’s trick or treat time. Having removed teeth from one of the station workers, he follows Dana into the public toilet. He pushes her door. She tells him to move along. He moves to his left… but moves back to her door, his hand reaches over and he pours the teeth onto Dana’s head. It’s. Fucking. Terrifying. But it’s exactly what you expect from Michael. He’s been dorment for forty years, now he’s having some fun. Dana screams and does her best to escape. Aaron hears her and comes running with a tire iron. He does his best… they both die pretty horribly. Michael goes to their car and takes back his mask. Haddonfield is in for on shit night. The music is perfect here too.

Meanwhile, Laurie has heard about the bus crash and goes into attack/protect mode. This just further isolates her from her family. Karen declares that the world is full of kindness and Laurie is the problem. She kicks Laurie out of her house.  Allyson is ready to party at her school’s Halloween bash. She and Cameron are going as Bonnie and Clyde. She’ll be Clyde, he’ll be Bonnie. Nice J Oscar is partying with them while Miles will be going to see Vicky (played by absolute stone fox Virginia Gardner) who is babysitting. Not good in a Halloween movie!!!

The Police Dept in Haddonfield are deeply concerned by the disappearance of Michael Myers, none more than Officer Hawkins played by the always good, always looks like he needs a hug Will Patton. He was there the night Michael was captured in 1978 and like Loomis, he wanted to kill Michael. Well, nothing is going to stop him from dealing out justice tonight.

At this point, Michael is having a hell of a time. He’s strolling around his old haunts. Reliving his night and offing innocents when he feels like it. One scene sees him go into a house. He kills a lady which is bad enough but as he goes to leave the house we hear a baby in a cot and there simply isn’t a person in the audience who isn’t thinking “oh shit, there's a baby in that house”, especially after he the way he took the car in his escape. He looks at the baby briefly as he walks out of the house and we breathe a sigh of relief. INCREDIBLY, this upset some people. “Why didn’t he kill the baby?” Fuck me! What the fuck is wrong with people? First of all, he only killed the kid earlier because he was in his way. Second of all, the baby simply isn’t a threat. Third of all and I repeat: What the fuck is wrong with you?!!!

Moving on. Laurie is out patrolling. She’s not going to wait for Michael, she’s going after him. She wants to face him. For his part, Michael has found a babysitter in the form of Vicky, who is happily making out with Miles. Her scenes with the kid are hilarious. Michael’s trick or treat levels reach a fever pitch here and when he finally attacks Vicky we are sad. She screams at the kid to run which he does… boy does he run! Miles, hears Vicky scream and goes to help her. We see his remains later. Officer Hawkins arrives to a house with two dead people in it. He’s understandably nervous as he searches for Michael. Laurie sees him first. She’s outside telling people to get off the streets…When she and Michael finally see each other, it’s from the street looking up to a window in one of many houses in Haddonfield. She doesn’t hesitate, she takes out her gun and shoots. The shot is perfect, straight into Michael’s face…. But it’s a reflection from a mirror… Michael leaves at this point. Whether he’s bothered or excited by seeing Laurie, we can’t tell. He does give her the signature head tilt though 

At this point Laurie is desperate to make Allyson and Karen safe. Allyson has had a fight with her boyfriend and has left the party with Oscar who idiotically makes a move on her. She leaves him alone. He ends up in a “Mr. Elrod’s” back garden (nice nod to H2 there). There’s a garden light on a sensor… Oscar is sitting in the garden looking a sorry figure. In the background a figure appears. We already know he’s doomed but Oscar thinks it’s Mr. Elrod and starts confiding in him.. it’s hilarious. The light switches off and when it comes back on “Mr. Elrod” is noticeably much closer. Oscar is clearly freaked out but still thinks he’s talking to Mr. Elrod. The light goes off again and just as it comes back on Michael attacks. It’s a fantastically paced jump scare. Oscar ends up impaled on a fence. Allyson finds him and runs. Unlike Halloween 1978 the neighbours let her in. She ends up in a car with officer Hawkins who has brought Dr. Sartain along. 

Laurie is frantically searching for Allyson with Karen. They can’t reach her via phone as it got destroyed at the party...

Hawkins sees Michael on the street. He drives straight into him. Michael is unconscious on the road. Sartain kills Hawkins. He’s completely obsessed with Michael and wants to feel what he feels when he kills. It’s a strange twist but I appreciated it. A doctor this dedicated to Michael would probably have to be insane. Poor Allyson can’t catch a break. She’s trapped in the squad car with and unconscious Michael beside her and Sartain who just wants to get the Michael and Laurie show going. He drives toward her house. Michael wakes up and instead of killing Allyson attacks Sartain… on the road again Sartain looks up at Michael and asks him to say something. Michael responds by stomping on his face and killing him instantly…

The final shopwdown between the Strode women, all three generations of them and Michael Myers is brilliant. Laurie does most of the hunting. Michael finally attacks her and they fight. It’s fucking viscious. Laurie ends up thrown out the top window of the house. Michael looks down and she’s gone. It’s a brilliant play on the end of the original movie. You get the feeling Michael thinks “so that’s what that feels like”… It all ends with Karen and Allyson in an underfloor panic room. Karen had earlier referred to it as a cage. She finally picks up the gun Laurie showed her how to use as a girl. Laurie attacks Michael from the shadows, using his tricks against him. Karen screams from below, pretending to be usless. Michael can’t resist. He approaches. “It’s not a cage, it’s a trap” She shoots him. He falls into the panic room but is already getting up as they are leaving. A moment later he is trapped. Laurie hits a switch and iron bars imprison him in the panic room. He just stares at the women. Emotionless. Still. And waits. Laurie burns the house to the ground.

The Strode women have won but Haddonfield has, once again, taken an absolute beating from this maniac.

It was recently announced that this movie will spawn two more movies. Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends. Some people eye rolled at the announcement. I was chuffed. I want to see where they take this. Because the filmmakers have committed to the material. Nobody is abandoning ship here. It’s a long term project by people with a genuine passion for Halloween.

Endgame of Thrones

Endgame of Thrones

Right, I think enough time has passed for me to start laying truth bombs without ruining it for
everyone. That said:

  

   
First up: Avengers Endgame. Let’s be clear. I loved Infinity War. Like, I LOVED it! It could have beenan absolute fucking mess but it was damn near perfect. And that ending! Whoa! I mean, what the
fuck can the Avengers do now? They lost. Half the universe is gone. I mean, they could probably still
do something but half the fucking universe is gone regardless. No comebacks from that I’m afraid.
And if you think that a franchise of over 20 movies, most of which have been wildly entertaining will
do something as awful as use time travel…. Well you’d be 100% correct.

It is without a doubt the worst and laziest plot device known to man. Whenever it turns up in a movie, you’re better off fast forwarding to the end to watch all the horrible stuff that happened in the movie get magicallyerased. Because that’s what always happens. Save yourself the time. Skip to the end and watch howa fucking DO OVER (in a movie where they say no do overs a lot) saves half the universe. It rendersInfinity War entirely pointless. Gutted.

But you like Back to the Future I hear you say. And you’re right, I do. But that movie is all about timetravel. It’s not just shoehorned in there.

I have other gripes. The Infinity Gauntlet was made by Giant Peter Dinklage and he is the only one
who could have forged a gauntlet powerful enough to case all the infinity stones. Right? Wrong! Iron
Man can make one. Guess he just had some spare parts floating around. Good for him… Oh and with
a little help from Ant-Man he works out time travel in an evening… impressive.

It’s not all bad. Hipster Hulk is inspired. Fat Thor is an absolute treat and having him shack up with
the Guardians of the Galaxy could be great… The action sequences are very well done. The
trademark snarky humour remains intact. Captain America facing down Thanos and his massive
army by himself is a bit of a moment… But this isn’t the Thanos that snapped his fingers, this is a
“previous” Thanos. I guess. While I’m on Cap, Steve Rogers goes and uses time travel to go back and
have a life with Agent Carter… it is a lovely moment but doesn’t that undo his original sacrifice? Or
maybe it doesn’t, it’s such a confusing and shitty development that my rage overpowers and sense
of empathy or goodwill.

You know what I would have preferred? Here’s your ending. Have one movie. One! Basically all of
Infinity War but have Iron Man (or Vision just to give him something to do) go on a quest and make
another Infinity Gauntlet. Tack Endgame’s ending on the end there, “I’m inevitable”, “I’m Iron Man”.
He saves the day, Thor goes for the head. Boom! There’s your fucking movie! No time travel, about
three hours saved and enough sacrifices made to keep people talking. But if that had happened
Disney would be down about €2.8bn. So, ya know…. Time travel.

And onto the other crippling disappointment of the year: Game of Thrones. Maybe we should have
seen it coming. Gendry’s ability to run and a Dragon’s ability to fly faster than Superman on steroids
hinted at problems toward the end of season 7… But they were taking their time with this season.
We were going to have to wait until they were good and fucking ready! Good, take your time. Don’t
fuck it up! The drip feed started when we were told there’d be feature length episodes.. but then we
heard there would only be 6 episodes. Spidey senses were tingling at this point. There’s still so much
to cover, six episodes seems a little sparse. But I think we swatted the tingles away, it’s GOT. It’s
never been anything but riveting… And just having it back was enough to get pulses racing.

It allstarted reasonably well. Starks met up. Hurrah. Groundwork was laid and on we went to episode
two. I enjoyed this one immensely. More groundwork was laid but there was some really nice
moments as people open up a little, because they all think they’re going to die. Thrones secret
weapon, humour, is also used rather well.

Onto episode three where the cracks begin to show.Oh were ready for a battle! And we got one. We just couldn’t see it. The next day, we were told ourtelevisions were not adjusted correctly. 50 years ago we were told “do not adjust your television set” by a television show of the same name. In the age of the 50” plasma with 4K and HD we’re told to adjust it so we can see what’s happening! I’m sorry but fuck you! This was badly made, end of. Below may or may not be an actual shot of season 8 episode 3...

Now there were decent moments in there and some of the distant visuals looked great but the up
close stuff was wretched. The Night King had one job. Get to Bran Stark. Not really sure why, but
rather than wait until everyone is dead, he rushes into battle and exposes himself. Arya Stark flies
out of nowhere and promptly kills the idiot. Loved it was Arya who killed him, hate how it was done.
I still don’t understand it. Oh, and everyone’s favourite hottie (or mine at least) Melisandre had been
telling everyone that she wouldn’t survive the night. She does, so out of embarrassment I guess she
goes and kills herself. I guess we’ll find out more about the Lord of Light from someone else, except
we won’t. There’s no mention of him in latter episodes. Oh well. Can’t really be angry at this show, I
mean one mediocre episode does not a bad show make… hold my starbucks cup…

Look GOT team, if you’re not going to take this shit seriously then why the fuck should we? Aside
from the coffee mishap there were other glaring errors. Tormund waxing lyrical about Jon Snow
riding a dragon is a doozie. “What kind of a person climbs on a fucking dragon?” Well apparently you do Tormund or have you already forgotten???

Moving on. The main fuck up this season was how they gave us too much story in too few episodes.
And when you rush, you make mistakes. Like leaving starbucks cups or plastic water bottles in shots.
The show runners just wanted this shit to end, or that’s’ how it comes across anyway. Dani sees her
mate decapitated and decides that everyone in the Red keep should be burned to death. Tyrion, had
asked her to call off her inevitable victory if the surrender bell was rung but she just goes full agent
orange and doesn’t stop. You’re either the kind of person who thinks GOT has been building to this
moment and this was unrushed and fully earned or you’re the kind of person who thinks this needed
a lot more fleshing out and is completely unearned. I’m the latter. The episode in question looks
terrific but that’s all I can give it.

It’s odd, I’ve been talking Got for a while now and I’ve only just mentioned Tyrion. His trademark useof  language is horribly underused. He’s reduced to an also ran for a lot of this season and while he gets the best lines in the final episode, well, by then it just doesn’t matter. Jon Snow kills Dani. Her dragon sets fire to the iron throne and fucks off. Someone really should hunt that thing… just in
case! Bran is made king and everyone sort of just goes home. It’s really funny watching the Dothraki
heading off without a care in the world. YOUR QUEEN WAS JUST STABBED TO DEATH LADS! These guys would usually butcher continents over a game of tiddlywinks… Bran becomes King which is pretty funny. I guess he’s no longer the three eyed raven or whatever the fuck that was? Cercei dies with Jamie in an utterly pointless way. A room collapses on them. If they’d just climbed into the mouth of the giant dragon skull nearby they’d have been fine. Only The Hound gets and ending worthy of note. His fight with the Mountain is very satisfying. They both go out in a blaze of glory though again, The Mountain killing his creator in a split second, while funny, felt…yep… rushed!

 
And that is that. I’ll buy the box set and watch them all back to back at some point but it will be awful watching the latter part of season 7 and most of season 8 drag this incredible show down a few
pegs. Subsequent rumours of HBO offering the show runners more episodes to do it right does not
show the writers in the best light. I guess the pull of a galaxy Far Far Away is to attractive. Problem
is, while these guys had GRR Martin’s books as source material, they made great television. As soon
as the books dried up, it went south. Who will they look to for help with Star Wars? George fucking
Lucas? Oh Christ.

Cheers,

G.