Top Movies That Bombed

I'm not talking underwhelmed here. For example, Edge of Tomorrow cost $178m but made back $370m. Or a Scarface which cost $25m but made $65m. Those movies were expected to make more and they should have as they are both really rather good. But they weren't bombs. And I'm not talking about the likes of Pluto Nash which for its $100m budget pulled in a paltry $7m. That was a fair reflection of the quality of that movie and we should be applauded for our avoidance. I'm talking great movies that failed miserably at the box office and we should all take a long hard look at ourselves for allowing these movies to fail...

                                                         Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Shame on us! Oddly enough when I went to see this with my ex, it was in a sold out show in a Dublin suburb so I was hopeful that the movie would do well. She had no idea who Shane Black was but I'm betting she remembers him now. This is just a terrific movie with a pre Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr chewing up the screen with his absolutely delicious delivery of Shane Black's razor sharp dialogue. It's all a bit film noir so I won't get too far into plot specifics but Harry Lockheart (Downey Jr) accidently stumbles into a film audition and does really well. He ends up out in LA where he and  wonderfully tough gay guy,  Gay Perry (Val Kilmer) get embroiled in murder mystery. As in every film noir there is a femme fatal and a smokin' hot Michelle Monaghan plays this role perfectly. Harmony is her name but it most certainly is not her nature. I won't say any more about this movie but I will show you this clip. This is what they mean when they talk about professional chemistry:

I mentioned before that this movie came out before Iron Man. A full three years before actually. If it had come out three weeks after it would have been a huge hit. Watch it and if you've only seen it once, watch it again!!!
Cost: $15m. Return: $15.8m.

                                                                 Starship Troopers

Here's a movie that put every cent of its budget into the special fx and it really pays off. Starship Troopers is one of those big, dumb but oh so much fun "man v alien" movies in the B-Movie tradition. Have a look at the clip to the left to see exactly what this movie is about. The attractive first, talented second (and that's being kind) cast features Casper Van Dien who plays tough guy Johnny Rico. He has the hots for Denise Richards character, Carmen Ibanez and you really can't blame him as she is absolutely gorgeous in this. While he's pining over Ibanez he is oblivious to the ample charms of the equally stunning Dina Meyer who plays Dizzy Flores (pictured below). Whatever! The real heroes of this pic are the special fx which, tragically lost out to Titanic at the Oscars. There are scenes of jaw dropping wonder in this flick. I honestly cannot pick my favourite fx shot. It's also a violent movie so it uses some older tricks to convey the gore which adds a gritty realism to the battle sequences. Plot wise there's not much to say except there's a "bug planet" and there's us here on earth. There's a war going on between us and them and it is viscious. Director, Paul Verhoeven is no  stranger to sex, violence or special fx. This movie has that and more. Look out for enjoyable turns by Neil Patrick Harris, Michael Ironside and absolute legend, Clancy Brown.

The movie spawned three sequels the first of which was so awful that I decided to give the rest a miss. Starship Troopers left the cinema with a whimper when it should have been a big hit. I caught it on release back in '97 and had a hell of a time. It was one of the first Blu-rays I ever purchased too and still, all these years later, it sparkles.

Cost: $105m. Return $121m.

                                                               Almost Famous

Arguably Cameron Crowe's best movie, this has absolutely no business being on the bomb list. Set in the 70's, teenager William Miller (Patrick Fugit) accidently gets a job for Rolling Stone magazine documenting the antics of rock band up and comers, Stillwater. As he does so, he falls for groupie - sorry "band aid" Penny Lane (Kate Hudson) and is exposed to the excesses of touring with a big rock band. The band themselves? Singer Jeff Bebe (Jason Lee) is insecure and jealous of his own guitarist Russell Hammond (Billy Crudup). Think Steven Tyler and Joe Perry and you're there. You see, Hammond is effortlessly cool while Bebe works his ass off to impact on the audience. During a rant at Hammond he turns to Miller and says: "I work just as hard or harder than anybody on that stage. You know what I do? I connect. I get people off. I look for the guy who isn't getting off, and I make him get off. Actually, that you can print". The rhythm section are Mark Fellows and Ed Vallencourt  played by Mark Kozelek and John Fedevich respectively neither of which are of much consequence to proceedings with one exception near the end of the movie which I won't ruin here. 

Miller is out of his depth and seeks advice from legendary critic Lester Bangs (Philip Seymour Hoffman). Their exchanges are hugely enjoyable. Bangs sees a little of himself in Miller. Check out this magical scene, the line about currency in this bankrupt world is utter genius.

It won't surprise anyone to read that Cameron Crowe won an Oscar for best screenplay and it is wholeheartedly deserved. What else can I say about Almost Famous? There's talent everywhere in the flick. I haven't even mentioned Frances McDormand (Miller's mother) Zooey Deschanel (Miller's sister) Noah Taylor (Band manager) "band aids" Anna Paquin and Fairuza Balk. All quality! As ever with Cameron Crowe movies there are cameos, so look out for Peter Frampton and Jimmy Fallon.
There's just so fucking much to love here that I could write all day but ultimately it is a love letter to the music of the era that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. Arguably the best era for rock n' roll. Certainly the most important. With that in mind, I will leave you with everyone's favourite scene from this majestic movie and the best needle drop ever! Hold me closer...
Cost: $60m. Return: $47.3m



The Thing

I've already poured a lot of love into this movie in my Kurt Russell blog so I won't bore you with the details of the movie here. I did touch on why it failed in the blog too but I'll look a little more closely at the reasons here. Every now and then a film maker just gets hit from all sides by the press. You'll hear people say "I guess it was his turn". This is a despicable act of treachery as it's not being fair to the film makers, the crew, the actors, the studio or most importantly, the audience. Make no mistake, this movie was John Carpenter's "turn". Carpenter had reached a level of celebrity in a short amount of time that made some of the establishment uncomfortable. Why? Because he was making dark movies. Horrors like Halloween and The Fog had performed well. He was putting women in lead roles. Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) was resourceful in her battle with Michael Myers on Halloween night. Stevie Wayne (Adrienne Barbeau) was equally heroic when The Fog came rolling in. Carpenter had also just made Escape From New York which, aside from being a hugely entertaining movie, challenged us to decide if the crime rate was manageable and he was casting people of colour too. Isaac Hayes as "The Duke of NY" must have annoyed more than a few assholes. This maverick was getting to big for his boots and needed to be taken down a peg.

So when Universal put the cash up for a pretty big budget remake of The Thing and hired Carpenter to do it, they felt they were on solid ground. And theoretically they were. Carpenter delivered an absolutely pitch perfect movie drenched in paranoia, supported by mind blowing special fx that still hold up today and an ensemble of talent that would make any studio exec weep with joy. One thing that went against the movie was the success of Spielberg's ET which was a huge hit and the general public were more curious about aliens than ever before. They weren't necessarily in the mood for The Thing. That being said, the reviews that came out were a disgrace. Reviewers were either out to get Carpenter or misunderstood the movie, maybe both. For example, here's a quote from Vincent Canby's review for the New York Times: "There may be a metaphor in all this, but I doubt it." Well Vincent, your nose wasn't wrong but your brain let you down. AIDS and Communism immediately come to mind when I watch The Thing. It's right fucking there and you don't need to be a clever guy to see it. You just need to be paying attention.

The Thing is probably Carpenter's best movie but again Mr. Canby doesn't seem to notice. Here's another hilarious quote: "The new ''Thing'' has been written with no great style by Bill Lancaster and directed by Mr. Carpenter without apparent energy or the ability to share his interest with us." You can argue subjectivity all you want but even from a purely technical standpoint The Thing is a gorgeously directed movie. He ends the evisceration with this: "''The Thing,'' which opens today at the Rivoli and other theaters, is too phony looking to be disgusting. It qualifies only as instant junk." Time has been really good to The Thing and the "too phony" fx are lauded as some of the best ever put to film. It still plays to sold out shows and gets new fans every year. Not bad for "instant junk". I can't say for certain if the reviews killed the movie or not but they didn't help. Ironically it is the reviews of today that have breathed new life into it.
Cost: $15m. Return: $19m.

                                                                         Serenity
You may not be able to stop the signal entirely but if you don't advertise it in the right way, you'll certainly hinder its range. We all know where Serenity came from and who was responsible for it being made at all. The internet can accomplish amazing things but it is also a tricksy place because if you'd checked the message boards back in 2004 you'd have been convinced there were a gazillion Browncoats out there and a movie for them would be a financial slam dunk. As we know, Joss Whedon delivered a hi octane thrill ride of a movie but there just wasn't enough of a fan base out there for it to make enough money to keep the good ship Serenity in the sky. Add to that a truly terrible advertising campaign that made no effort to appeal to newcomers and Serenity was always going to face an uphill battle. And that's the story of its failure. Like The Thing when people do give it a chance they are immediately seduced by its charms. Unlike The Thing, Serenity received a warm reception from critics but the damage was already done with the advertising. Have a look at this clip and ask yourself if you think this would reel in a newcomer?



Now as a certified Browncoat, that clip gives me chills... the good kind. But I just don't see it doing much for anyone who isn't already in the gang. Buffy was a success but 6 million TV viewers a week wasn't all that much back in the late 90's and while many Buffy/Angel fans became Browncoats, many of them did not as not everyone likes Sci Fi. So there's my two cents. Another brilliant movie that suffered an unfair fate. If you've never seen it you should and then you should watch... well you'll figure it out for yourself.

Cost: $39m. Return: $39m.

                                                             In the Heart of the Sea

Put yourself in a Warner Brothers board room. You've just watched and thoroughly enjoyed a screening of a movie that depicts the real story that inspired Melville to write Moby Dick. You remember the initial meetings. The justification that there hasn't been that many good seafaring adventures. The book was excellent receiving huge critical acclaim and sales of it suggest that there's an appetite for a sea monster movie. It will likely cost a lot of money so we'll need a solid director. Enter Ron Howard. Everyone is happy with the choice, you included. You need a star. Chris Hemsworth steps up. Great, he has fans and isn't too shabby an actor either. You remember feeling excited. This has the makings, might even get us on the Oscar trail. You squee with joy when you see the one sheets (my favourite below).

                             

So back to the Warner Brothers board room and the brain trust decide to release the movie on December 11th 2015. Not unlike the boat in the movie, your heart sinks. They're kidding right? You remind them that Star Wars: The Force Awakens premieres on December 14th. They don't seem bothered. "Lads, it will get all the advertising spots and it will bump us off every IMAX and half decent screen in the country". They look at you like you're insane. You start to feel like you're on crazy pills. What the fuck is going on, why can't they see this? They've got Star Wars, we've got a whale. It's a great whale but it simply cannot compete with the machine that is Star Wars. Your concerns are heard but make no impact. Test screenings go well which makes you feel even sadder. The movie finally comes out. Critical response is lukewarm but audiences enjoy what they see. Then Star Wars hits and every single prediction you made comes through but it's worse than you thought it would be. It's really fucking good. Word of mouth travels fast and everyone wants to see Star Wars. Nobody gives a fuck about Moby Dick... You hate being right all the time.
Cost $100m. Return: $94m.  

                                                            Man on the Moon

Jim Carey is fucking magnificent in this. The movie, as I'm sure you know, is about the life and death of Andy Kaufman. REM wrote a little song about the guy, you may know it... hence the title. Love him or hate him, Andy Kaufman was a genius. He pushed the boundaries of comedy and wasn't afraid to fail. That's the most important thing to say about him. A lot of people say shit like this but Andy backed it up. He once stood on a college campus and read The Great Gatsby cover to cover. Why? Well he was starring in the TV show Taxi and his character, Latka, was hugely popular. Andy fucking hated the show, hated the character and knew his audience were there to hear him say Latka's catchphrase... "thank you very much" in a Lithuanian accent. He decided to take a different route just to piss them off. Was this brave or vindictive? I think it was both. Andy Kaufman's greatest creation was Tony Clifton. Tony was a cabaret type of singer who would break up his singing by interacting with the audience and telling jokes. Think Tony Bennet but think of him if he were a terrible singer and an absolute cunt. He is achingly funny as you can see by the clip above.

Other highlights are Kaufman's "feud" with wrestling legend Jerry Lawlor and his assault on the aforementioned TV show Taxi. Paul Giamatti plays his long time collaborator Bob Zmuda and is his usual charming self. There is a huge surprise in the casting of Courtney Love who is really solid as Kaufman's wife Lynne Margulies. She plays it well and comes across as genuine, something you can't really say about her music. Milos Forman has made some great movies and, for me, this ranks with the best of them. There was hardly anyone in the cinema where I went to see it... pity.
Cost: $82m. Return: $47.5m

                                                                        Steve Jobs
When this movie was first announced there were already books and documentaries out there about the guy with all the info you'd ever want and there was a truly awful biopic starring Ashton Kutcher. So right out of the gate there was an argument to be made that this movie wasn't really needed. Certainly it seems like that was the consensus as audiences largely avoided it but this movie isn't just good, it's fucking essential. When announced it was going to be the team who brought us The Social Network. Fincher would direct and Aaron Sorkin who won an Oscar for TSN would write. Then the Sony email leaks happened and we found out Angelina Jolie decided she wanted Fincher taken off Steve Jobs and put on her Cleopatra project. Her star power proved too much for the Sony executives and he was replaced by Danny Boyle. At the time I thought this was a fucking disaster as I'm not a fan of Boyle at all. However, this is a script so delicious that an untrained monkey could have directed and as it happens Boyle knew this and let the writing breathe.
Michael Fassbender is flawless as Steve Jobs. Mind you, Aaron Sorkin was not convinced. Those pesky Sony leaks revealed that he was upset that Christian Bale was replaced by Michael Fassbender and not only that, he didn't even know who Fassbender was! Performance wise he needn't have worried as Fassbender was nominated for multiple awards including an Oscar. Fassbender is simply wonderful in the lead role exuding an arrogance, not only crucial to playing the character but crucial to being able to speak Sorkinese (a wonderful phrase coined by Kate Winslet)
This is a clever movie shot back stage at three different Apple launches. Jobs comes across as an awful guy initially but as the movie progresses you come to realise that, while he was a tough man, he was perhaps harder on himself than anyone else. He denied paternity of his daughter. He does soften his stance on this as the movie goes by and grows to love the child. It is the centre of the movie, when all the other shit is going down Sorkin cleverly throws in a scene with the kid to make it a human story. The script, as usual with Sorkin, is top drawer and won a Golden Globe. The supporting cast are also on screen chewing form.

There is a huge ace in the sleeve of this movie in the shape of Jeff Daniels. He has been reborn since The Newsroom (Sorkin's excellent TV show) and The Martian. Here he plays the CEO of Apple and his scenes with Jobs are pure gold. As ever with a Sorkin script there isn't a second of waste. It's fast, it's funny, it's caustic and it expects you to be able to keep up. The rest of the cast are made up of Kate Winslet who plays Jobs closest friend Joanna Hoffman. I found her accent a bit off for the first act but she's on top form in acts two and three. Seth Rogen plays Steve Wozniak and he is also terrific.

So why did everyone avoid this like the plague? Well the aforementioned books, biopics and documentaries probably didn't help. And Sorkin's concerns over Fassbender's ability to open a movie may have been justified. Fassbender is every bit as good an actor as Bale but he is nowhere near as big as star as the former Bat. Bale went on to make The Big Short which had a similar budget to this movie but has made four times as much... Also Danny Boyle is no David Fincher. Fincher, rightly, has a fan base. He'd have brought in numbers. Danny Boyle has won an Oscar but he just doesn't carry the same weight as Fincher. Lastly, Jobs himself. People like to root for nice guys... He's a complicated man and this movie captures a man who has total belief in himself and if you don't agree with him he has no problems telling you why you're an idiot. Think Dr. House... but sober.
I love this movie. I will buy the Blu-ray and I will watch it... a lot.
Cost: $30m. Return: $34.4m.

Cheers,

G.