The Desolation Of Smaug is the best reviewed of the three Hobbit movies but, for me at least, it is the weakest. That's not to say that it is a bad movie. It is, in fact, a very good one but after the majesty of its predecessor and the exuberance of its successor, it is the proverbial rock in the hard place... but what a rock it turns out to be.
Beorn Again
After a brief (and entertaining) piece of back story featuring a conversation between Gandalf and Thorin in Bree, our heroes find themselves being hunted by more than just Azog the Defiler. Beorn, who is a shape shifter, is also on the prowl. He is basically a giant bear and has no control over his hunger when he's in this form. The company cannot outrun Azog and his band of Orcs so they decide to make for Beorn's home. They make it, just about, but it is the giant bear who nearly catches them. When we meet Beorn the next morning, he is chopping wood with the biggest axe I've ever seen. He's a huge bulk of a man and the fx team do a great job of making him look "bear-ish" but I have to give, well, props to the props department. They've always gone the extra mile for PJ and this movie is no different. The detail in Beorn's house is astounding. It's actually worth pausing the movie just to look around. There's a chess board with large pieces which you probably never noticed and if you look into Bilbo's treasure chest back in the Shire, you'll see one of the chess pieces from Beorn's board... burglar indeed! Beorn reluctantly decides to help the company. He hates Dwarves but he hates Orcs even more... enemy of my enemy I suppose. He turns up at the end of the trilogy but it is in this movie where we get to know him a little and it's a treat.
Tauriel and Legolas
Right, let's get this shit out of the way. There is no getting around the fact that Peter Jackson has entered the realm of fan fiction here. Tauriel is a completely made up character and Legolas wasn't in the book at all. I'll deal with the Legolas situation first. Saruman, Galadrial and Elrond all show up at various times in this trilogy and nobody bats and eyelid. Legolas is brought in "and everybody loses their minds". Granted, Legolas gets more screen time than the others but the reaction was vitriolic in the extreme. I've always enjoyed Legolas. His stoicism, his acrobatics and his penchant for cutting to the chase have always been a huge plus. I was excited to see what he'd get up to here and I wasn't disappointed.
Tauriel, if anything, took even more shit from fanbitches. They just hated her. Right out of the gate she got shit from all sides. You can call me shallow (and you'd be right) but having a gorgeous Elf-maiden kicking Orc ass and giving Legolas a run for his money in the "cool kill" stakes works for me. Also, there's just a lot of guys in these movies. A woman was needed. Whether you like her or not is subjective. I was and remain, a fan. The much maligned love triangle between Tauriel, Legolas and Kili isn't as bad as the critics suggest. I was on board with it for a long time. I did stop caring about it in the thrid movie but by and large it was a fun addition to the story and Desolation needed something like this just for a change of pace.
Speaking of Pace
Where to start with the Elf Lord of the Woodland Realm? Played brilliantly by Lee Pace, Thranduil is father to Legolas and general badass of the Woodland Elves. He's not too fond of the Dwarves as they made him bow to them when they found they all powerful Arkenstone in Erebor. It's mutual of course as Thranduil got a large measure of revenge when Smaug attacked. He just put the popcorn on and watched. Thranduil's only concern, it seems, is that of his people and to that end, he has worked absolute wonders. As per Thranduil's instructions, the Woodland Elves are completely hidden from all and sundry in Middle Earth and while they protect their own borders from the evils of Middle Earth they care not a jot about the issues beyond their realm. It's fair to say that the Elves live in relative luxury. Even their holding cells look like half decent accomodation:
Thranduil is such a fantastic character. He looks like the exact opposite of Azog but he actually shares some traits with the pale Orc. Thanduil just fucking loves feeling superior. He leads his people with an iron fist and, like Azog, has been badly wounded in battle. Unlike Azog, Thranduil hides his scars with his considerable power. He is vain but I feel like he uses this as a weapon. If you look the part, you are the part. As the trilogy progresses, we find there is more to Thranduil than meets the eye. He has layers, you just have to dig... very deeply. A superb character!
My Mirkwood Nightmare
I'm afraid of spiders. Total arachnophobe! When I went to see Return of the King I did so knowing at some point I was going to be knee deep in Shelob's Lair and I was seriously on edge. Shelob came and went and came back again. Sam dealt with her and it was stunning cinema. I, apparently, turned white and I got the sweats. The cold sweats of fear. This time I went in knowing at some point the spiders of Mirkwood would be on me. I did my best to steady my fear but it didn't work. This is one of those scenes that Jackson had to get right. Guillermo del Toro, who was initially going to direct these movies, has a bit of an obsession with the spider scene from the Hobbit so it's no surprise that much of his input survived for this scene. The colours in the forest are all very trippy and it was his idea to make it look that way. Peter Jackson is also an arachnophobe and he knows exactly what buttons to push... the ones that scare him the most. Make no mistake about it, this scene was absolutely nailed by the film makers and I, again, felt the cold sweats. At one point I jumped and yelped so noisily in the cinema that people laughed at me... Amazing scene and it's great to see a tougher side of Bilbo when one of the spiders goes after the ring.
Barrel of Laughs
The more I think about The Hobbit, the more I become aware of how chock full of legendary scenes the book truly is. The famous "Barrels Out of Bond" scene is another much loved section of the book but truth be told, it's way more charming than exciting. Given that this is a Peter Jackson movie you just knew this was going to be one of those elaborate action scenes that you either love him or hate him for. I was actually a little worried about this scene as I just felt it didn't need the over the top PJ touch. How wrong was I. Once in the barrels the company flow with the tide and are pretty much immediately pursued by Elves. A gate is closed, blocking the Dwarven escape route and suddenly Azog's Orcs turn up to take down the company. Of course the Elves and the Orcs clash and a quite brilliant spectacle begins. Kili gets the gate open but takes "an arrow to the knee"... no really, he does. It's poisonous too so, bummer. Tauriel and Legolas absolutely decimate the Orc party but more and more keep on coming. Our Dwarves continue down stream they are pursued by Orcs and Elves who continue to wade into each other and there must be scores of "holy shit" moments that literally take your breath away as the scene goes on. This scene was meant to be the end of part one when this was a two movie project. I'm not sure how that would have played out but in the trilogy it plays out perfectly. The company get out of the Woodland Realm. Unbeknownst to Legolas, Thorin saves him with a well placed throw of a sword (Legolas returns the favour in the next movie) and eventually the company bump into another solid addition to the growing list of characters.
Good Evans, it's Laketown
Our band of merry Dwarves must find a way to Laketown without Gandalf who is off to Dol Guldur to follow up on Radagast's findings. And so we meet Bard (Luke Evans). As you know, Bard is left to battle Smaug in the next movie so it is only right that he gets some character development in this one. He smuggles the Dwarves into Laketown and it is here that the movie starts to slip a little. Don't get me wrong, Laketown is a wonderful set and Howard Shore's Laketown score is quality but the movie gets bogged down in the boring politics of Laketown for far too long. It would have been better served to follow the book in this instance as the Dwarves are welcomed into Laketown by the Master. Here though, The Master played by one of my favourites, Stephen Fry is a bit of a dick. He is self serving, he hates Bard and has no real redeeming features. It's all very "Master is rich so he bad, Bard is poor so he good" which is a little annoying. There's some solace to be found in Alfrid Littlespittle, another made up character by Jackson, who is The Master's closest counselor. Meanwhile Bard figues out what the Dwarves are planning so he seeks out a "black arrow" just in case. He ends up being imprisoned by Alfrid for blah blah blah I don't care! Laketown does feature some spectacular action sequences as Legolas and Tauriel track a gang of Orcs to Bard's home and kill most of them in various creative ways. Tauriel abandons Legolas to save Kili with Kingsfoil brought to her by Bofur. But really, whenever I watch this movie I can't wait for Thorin, Bilbo and the rest to get out of the place and make for the Mountain.
"It is Undoubtedly a Trap"
While Laketown left me fairly cold, Gandalf's escapades had just the opposite effect. In The High Fells ( I think the high fells are another PJ addition but am open to being corrected) he finds that the Nazgul tombs are empty. The "Nine" are risen again and are out! Not an awful lot happens here but the scenery is magnificent. Gandalf is joined by Radagast and they decide to split. Gandalf tells Radagast to warn Galadrial and heads to Dol Guldur. Here he finds Thorin's father, Thrain (in the extended edition) as well as Azog's army and boy was I happy to see Azog. He immediately attacks Gandalf and their exchange is excellent. It shows Azog is fearless and powerful in his own way. He backs down from nothing! Gandalf and Thrain make a run for it as the numbers are against them but they run into Sauron. This pulsating scene sees the end of Thrain and Galdalf is left to face Sauron alone. He fights for all he is worth but the grey pilgrim is no match for Sauron. He soon finds himself in a rusty cage. Defeated! It's an AMAZING scene and it shows how strong Sauron has become. It also leads to a brilliant battle in the next movie...
"I am Not my Grandfather"
Say what you will about Jackson but even if you're not a fan of these movies, you must admit that the man litters the movies with some quite beautiful shots. My favourite one in this movie comes at the end of an exchange between Balin and Thorin. Balin can see a change in Thorin and it's not for the better. He warns Thorin that there's a sickness in the mountain and that it drove Thorin's grandfather mad. Thorin's responds, "I am not my grandfather" but as he says that... well just look at this gorgeous shot:
It's not just the symmetry with Thror's face beside him, it's the look of sadness in Thorin's eyes. There's a resignation about him. He has to do this and I suspect on some level he knows Balin is right. It's perfect!! Perfect shot, perfect acting! Love it!
"These movies don't half Dragon"
As mentioned above I'm not big on the Laketown segment of this movie. I think it slows everything down to a crawl and it takes a while to get us back on the rollercoaster. When we get to the mountain, business picks up right quick. Once inside, the Dwarves abandon their burglar to his fate. To face the Dragon, Smaug, and somehow take back the Arkenstone. When The Hobbit was announced, the first thing I thought of was: Dragon! Like the Riddles scene, the Mirkwood scene and the Barrel scene, Smaug needed to be a sight to behold! Once again, PJ and his fx team deliver the goods. Smaug is amazing and is voiced deliciously visciously by Benedict Cumberbatch! A genius move. He adds a menace to Smaug that is palpable but there's clearly a sociopath and megalomaniac in there too all of which make him tremendous fun. Hs battle of wits with Bilbo is glorious. He senses something about Bilbo, "something made of gold but far more.... precious". Freeman is again on superb form in the scene. He plays the fool to perfection and it is clear that Smaug knows he's no fool but finds him entertaining nonetheless. He almost apologises when he finally decides to bring Bilbo to his end. Of course Bilbo uses the ring and gets the hell out of there. A quietly menacing scene with Thorin follows in which the Dwarf draws his sword on Bilbo asking about the Arkenstone. Smaug inevitably attacks and another one hundred mile an hour action sequence begins. The Dwarves find what's left of the kin they left in the mountain after Smaug's attack. It is sad and it gives you a sense of doom. How are they going to get out of this? Of course Thorin finds a way to defeat the Dragon, or so he thinks. Pouring boiling hot gold over the fire-drake only serves to annoy Smaug and the movie ends with a furious Dragon heading for Laketown (he can smell the town on the Dwarves) for a bit of fire ejaculation.
Final Thoughts: First time I saw this, I fell in love with it. For the most part it holds up and only comes unstuck in Laketown 8/10.
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