Just to clarify I made that last one up. Requels are remakes in the guise of prequels… but we’re on to them.
I blame Dracula. Seriously, how many Dracula movies are there? Apparently more than 200 movies feature the dark prince. The reasons for this are Dracula is fucking cool, he has a huge fan base and most importanly, he’s pure box office. That last one is the main reason remakes have been around since forever. But what I really want to discuss is, are any of them any good? My instinct is to say no but the answer is most definitely yes! You just have to know where to look. Sadly, it ain’t horror!
Here is where NOT to look: Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Black Christmas, The Omen, The Hills Have Eyes, House Of Wax, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Fog, Psycho, Evil Dead, The Haunting, Amityville Horror, Night Dawn and Day of the Dead, Carrie (both of them). All bad remakes but they nearly all made money. You can’t blame studios. Look at these numbers: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=evildead2013.htm terrible movie brings in $80m profit!!! The next big horror to get the remake treatment is Poltergeist. I really can’t see myself heading out to the cinema to see this and it’s not because I love the original movie so much, it’s because the clip is fucking awful and we now live in a world where The Conjuring is the haunted house daddy! Halloween is heading for a “Re-Calibration” having already had a full on remake as well as an attempted reimagining (H3) and a mid series reboot (H:20). Will it be any good? Probably not. Are there any good horror remakes? Why yes there are…
The best of them is John Carpenter’s The Thing which bombed back in 1982. Time has been good to the movie though and it is seen by many as a classic piece of sci fi/horror allegory. Back in the early 80′s communisim was still a thing (ahem) and AIDS was very much in the news. The Thing works superbly as a commentary on both. Add to that some of the very best special fx ever put to screen and thrilling performance from Kurt Russell and you’ve got a wonderful remake. It all builds to the now legendary blood test scene. Tension, horror, comedy all in equal measure: TheThingcompleteBloodTestScene A “Requel” was made 30 years later and it too bombed. I can’t imagine time being as kind to this movie but I will admit to really enjoying it and owning the blu ray… sue me. Fright Night is a decent remake but only made a modest amount of money. The Ring was probably the most successful remake with a €200m profit margin. Regardless of your feelings on the movie (I quite enjoy it) that’s serious poke. Feel free to remind me of more decent horror remakes… I have to move on.
Super heroes are also ripe for remakes/reboots etc. The lucrative Spider-Man franchise was very recently rebooted after Sam Raimi’s financially huge but thoroughly awful Spider-Man 3. Spidey has been added to the Marvel cannon now so we can look forward to yet another take on the character.
Superman also had a reboot or two. From black and white television to the brilliant movie from 1978. The “wish we never made them” parts 3 and 4 from the 80′s (went back to televison in the 90′s) and came back to the big screen in Superman Returns in the 00′s. It’s just a giant sized blow jobby remake of the original movie so predictably it didn’t make the box office required to continue. Back they went to the start and brought us Man of Steel in 2013. Enough people liked that one to greenlight next years Superman/Batman crossover, Dawn of Justice.
Speaking of Batman he also had a hilarious run of glorious campness on televison before coming to the big screen in 1989. Three sequels later, the third of which is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, they went back to the start. Batman began, he became The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight rose. Oh boy did he rise. Huge numbers. Great movies! Dawn of Justice, however, is already being panned by some ”fans” across the world who A. didn’t like Man of Steel (I enjoyed it) or B. just want to hate the movie. They’ve yet to see any footage of this new movie but some of them already hate it… odd. Doesn’t matter, because in some weird assed cinematic suicide pact each and every one of them will go and see the movie just so they can bash it. The studio won’t care, they’ll have the money. Personally I cannot wait for the Batfleck/Cav-El show.
While we’re on the subject of the Bat, television is playing a role in the remake realm with a “requel”. Gotham is an excellent show with top notch production values and fun performances from a talented cast. It’s drawing some hate in fanboy circles because it is taking established characters and completely changing many of the back stories. However, it’s gaining a lot of love from pretty much everyone else, most of whom don’t care aboout previous versions of the story. Huge numbers are watching every week and reviews are strong in all the right places: 90% on Rotten Tomatoes and the ever harsh metacritic also being kind: http://www.metacritic.com/tv/gotham Under the care of Bruno Heller, this one might run for a very long time.
I’m moving on from here but again, I encourage you to remind me of the good and bad super hero remakes. Captain America anyone? Possibly the biggest leap forward in quality from original to remake. Dredd is another which benefited from a Re-Imagining!
While we’re on the subject of television, perhaps the most successful remake of all, House of Cards, is killing it on Netflix. It’s a remake of an old British television show which ran for one season. The new and improved version featuring staggering performances from Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright has evolved into its own entity and has been renewed for a fourth season. If you haven’t tried it, you really should.
Pic N’ Mix of decent to good remakes: Scarface. King Kong. Godzilla (the new one). Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The Fly. The Departed. Casino Royale. True Grit. War of the Worlds. These remakes are standout movies. Scarface is one of those once in a generation movies. Pacino’s OTT performance/accent is pure cinema. Kong was a huge risk but it’s a superb movie. Godzilla’s latest remake was a success. Plenty of cras bang wallop but crucially it made you root for the monster. Well done! Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is comedy gold and reminds me what a genius Steve Martin was (I miss him). The Fly has been remade several times but it’s David Cronenberg’s version that stands out. It’s probably his best movie. The Departed has such an amazing cast that it was always going to be a win but when you get Mark Wahlberg stealing scene after scene you’ve really achieved something. Casino Royale was a solid actioner but the original was so bad that it couldn’t miss. True Grit is an excellent western but it too benefits from a fairly preposterous original. War of the Worlds is a brilliant effort from Spielberg. The first two acts are amazing, the movie dies a little in the third act as it runs out of gas and is plagued by a dreadful ending but over all it’s a vast improvement over the 1950′s original.
The future will bring more remakes because, as previously shown, they make money. There is a chance that some of these may be quite good, but you will have to sift through the deluge to get to the good ones. The one I’m most looking forward to is “It”. As you know, this enormous and quite brilliant book by Stephen King was made into a tv movie back in 1990 and was quite effective at the time. However, it just does not hold up and a remake is not only a coming it is essential for a story of such brilliance. There will be at least two movies, there might be three is what we’re being told and it will be directed by True Detective’s Cary Fukunaga. Yeah, I’m fucking psyched for this one.
Mad Max seems to be doing it right but I’m not really bothered one way or the other to be honest. Will Escape From New York finally get remade? I hope not but if it does, I really hope they don’t make a complete bollocks of it like they have done for every other John Carpenter movie they’ve remade. A quick google search of remakes 2015 leads to a staggering amount of movies in various stages of production. Some of the titles will make you angry. Try to be optimistic… I know it’s hard.
Cheers,
G.
I blame Dracula. Seriously, how many Dracula movies are there? Apparently more than 200 movies feature the dark prince. The reasons for this are Dracula is fucking cool, he has a huge fan base and most importanly, he’s pure box office. That last one is the main reason remakes have been around since forever. But what I really want to discuss is, are any of them any good? My instinct is to say no but the answer is most definitely yes! You just have to know where to look. Sadly, it ain’t horror!
Here is where NOT to look: Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Black Christmas, The Omen, The Hills Have Eyes, House Of Wax, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Fog, Psycho, Evil Dead, The Haunting, Amityville Horror, Night Dawn and Day of the Dead, Carrie (both of them). All bad remakes but they nearly all made money. You can’t blame studios. Look at these numbers: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=evildead2013.htm terrible movie brings in $80m profit!!! The next big horror to get the remake treatment is Poltergeist. I really can’t see myself heading out to the cinema to see this and it’s not because I love the original movie so much, it’s because the clip is fucking awful and we now live in a world where The Conjuring is the haunted house daddy! Halloween is heading for a “Re-Calibration” having already had a full on remake as well as an attempted reimagining (H3) and a mid series reboot (H:20). Will it be any good? Probably not. Are there any good horror remakes? Why yes there are…
The best of them is John Carpenter’s The Thing which bombed back in 1982. Time has been good to the movie though and it is seen by many as a classic piece of sci fi/horror allegory. Back in the early 80′s communisim was still a thing (ahem) and AIDS was very much in the news. The Thing works superbly as a commentary on both. Add to that some of the very best special fx ever put to screen and thrilling performance from Kurt Russell and you’ve got a wonderful remake. It all builds to the now legendary blood test scene. Tension, horror, comedy all in equal measure: TheThingcompleteBloodTestScene A “Requel” was made 30 years later and it too bombed. I can’t imagine time being as kind to this movie but I will admit to really enjoying it and owning the blu ray… sue me. Fright Night is a decent remake but only made a modest amount of money. The Ring was probably the most successful remake with a €200m profit margin. Regardless of your feelings on the movie (I quite enjoy it) that’s serious poke. Feel free to remind me of more decent horror remakes… I have to move on.
Super heroes are also ripe for remakes/reboots etc. The lucrative Spider-Man franchise was very recently rebooted after Sam Raimi’s financially huge but thoroughly awful Spider-Man 3. Spidey has been added to the Marvel cannon now so we can look forward to yet another take on the character.
Superman also had a reboot or two. From black and white television to the brilliant movie from 1978. The “wish we never made them” parts 3 and 4 from the 80′s (went back to televison in the 90′s) and came back to the big screen in Superman Returns in the 00′s. It’s just a giant sized blow jobby remake of the original movie so predictably it didn’t make the box office required to continue. Back they went to the start and brought us Man of Steel in 2013. Enough people liked that one to greenlight next years Superman/Batman crossover, Dawn of Justice.
Speaking of Batman he also had a hilarious run of glorious campness on televison before coming to the big screen in 1989. Three sequels later, the third of which is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, they went back to the start. Batman began, he became The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight rose. Oh boy did he rise. Huge numbers. Great movies! Dawn of Justice, however, is already being panned by some ”fans” across the world who A. didn’t like Man of Steel (I enjoyed it) or B. just want to hate the movie. They’ve yet to see any footage of this new movie but some of them already hate it… odd. Doesn’t matter, because in some weird assed cinematic suicide pact each and every one of them will go and see the movie just so they can bash it. The studio won’t care, they’ll have the money. Personally I cannot wait for the Batfleck/Cav-El show.
While we’re on the subject of the Bat, television is playing a role in the remake realm with a “requel”. Gotham is an excellent show with top notch production values and fun performances from a talented cast. It’s drawing some hate in fanboy circles because it is taking established characters and completely changing many of the back stories. However, it’s gaining a lot of love from pretty much everyone else, most of whom don’t care aboout previous versions of the story. Huge numbers are watching every week and reviews are strong in all the right places: 90% on Rotten Tomatoes and the ever harsh metacritic also being kind: http://www.metacritic.com/tv/gotham Under the care of Bruno Heller, this one might run for a very long time.
I’m moving on from here but again, I encourage you to remind me of the good and bad super hero remakes. Captain America anyone? Possibly the biggest leap forward in quality from original to remake. Dredd is another which benefited from a Re-Imagining!
While we’re on the subject of television, perhaps the most successful remake of all, House of Cards, is killing it on Netflix. It’s a remake of an old British television show which ran for one season. The new and improved version featuring staggering performances from Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright has evolved into its own entity and has been renewed for a fourth season. If you haven’t tried it, you really should.
Pic N’ Mix of decent to good remakes: Scarface. King Kong. Godzilla (the new one). Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The Fly. The Departed. Casino Royale. True Grit. War of the Worlds. These remakes are standout movies. Scarface is one of those once in a generation movies. Pacino’s OTT performance/accent is pure cinema. Kong was a huge risk but it’s a superb movie. Godzilla’s latest remake was a success. Plenty of cras bang wallop but crucially it made you root for the monster. Well done! Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is comedy gold and reminds me what a genius Steve Martin was (I miss him). The Fly has been remade several times but it’s David Cronenberg’s version that stands out. It’s probably his best movie. The Departed has such an amazing cast that it was always going to be a win but when you get Mark Wahlberg stealing scene after scene you’ve really achieved something. Casino Royale was a solid actioner but the original was so bad that it couldn’t miss. True Grit is an excellent western but it too benefits from a fairly preposterous original. War of the Worlds is a brilliant effort from Spielberg. The first two acts are amazing, the movie dies a little in the third act as it runs out of gas and is plagued by a dreadful ending but over all it’s a vast improvement over the 1950′s original.
The future will bring more remakes because, as previously shown, they make money. There is a chance that some of these may be quite good, but you will have to sift through the deluge to get to the good ones. The one I’m most looking forward to is “It”. As you know, this enormous and quite brilliant book by Stephen King was made into a tv movie back in 1990 and was quite effective at the time. However, it just does not hold up and a remake is not only a coming it is essential for a story of such brilliance. There will be at least two movies, there might be three is what we’re being told and it will be directed by True Detective’s Cary Fukunaga. Yeah, I’m fucking psyched for this one.
Mad Max seems to be doing it right but I’m not really bothered one way or the other to be honest. Will Escape From New York finally get remade? I hope not but if it does, I really hope they don’t make a complete bollocks of it like they have done for every other John Carpenter movie they’ve remade. A quick google search of remakes 2015 leads to a staggering amount of movies in various stages of production. Some of the titles will make you angry. Try to be optimistic… I know it’s hard.
Cheers,
G.
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